


or forever hold your peace

by andnowforyaya



Series: or forever hold your peace (kiho) [1]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gangsters, Angst, Forbidden Love, KiHo Bingo, M/M, Organized Crime, Weddings, maybe???, next part may have hella warnings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-11
Updated: 2017-06-11
Packaged: 2018-11-12 16:32:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11165736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andnowforyaya/pseuds/andnowforyaya
Summary: Hoseok's getting married, but it's not Kihyun he's walking down the aisle.





	or forever hold your peace

**Author's Note:**

> for the 'speak' square for kiho bingo

Kihyun waited in the dressing room where, just an hour before, Hoseok had been getting the finishing touches done to his hair and makeup, getting the dust plucked off his tailored, eggshell white suit. It was empty now, the room, but as Kihyun paced around it felt full of ghosts. Here, Hoseok must have sat and looked into the mirror in the vanity and laughed as Hyungwon teased him about being fussy over his eyeliner. Here, Hoseok and Minhyuk must have clinked glasses of champagne over the mini bar as Hoseok practiced his vows. There was a sofa for lounging and ottomans and linens that matched the color of Hoseok’s suit over the little tables where there were still plates of finger foods and snacks.

Kihyun touched one of the champagne glasses. There was still liquid coating the inside and the bottom, like a thin layer of melted gold. He picked it up between his fingers and brought the rim to his lips and wondered if Hoseok had put his lips here, and felt a fist tighten around his heart at the thought. Where was Hoseok? Minhyuk had promised he would help, even though he’d disagreed with the whole thing outright.

He put the glass down again and arranged it so that it was in the exact spot on the table where it had been left. Outside of this room and in the ballroom, music was playing, and more drinks were being served, and Kihyun had watched for just a moment as the festivities commenced before he couldn’t bear it any longer and escaped into the dressing room. The celebration screamed luxury and decadence in a way that felt to Kihyun like a facade, a pall to lay over the awful truth: the wedding was a sham.

His fingers were shaking. He clenched his hands into fists and hoped no one else would wander into this room before Hoseok did. Kihyun was not supposed to be here. Hoseok’s family had made that expressly clear.

He began to pace again, nervous, the anxiety starting to crawl along his skin like ants. What if Minhyuk couldn’t get Hoseok away from the celebration? What if Hoseok sensed Kihyun was here and refused to see him? Taking deep breaths, he tried to calm himself, to remind him of what he came here to do.

The door opened, and the music from the ballroom amplified -- the band was playing a familiar song, lively and upbeat. Kihyun could hear laughter and conversation ringing from the reception. He turned to see who was at the door, and found Hoseok staring at him with wide, unblinking eyes.

Hoseok, his eggshell white suit jacket unbuttoned, the top button of his collared shirt loosened, his bowtie lost. Kihyun could see that his black hair had been slicked back earlier in the night, but now it was hanging over his eyes in pieces. His cheeks were flushed and rosy. He looked beautiful, and Kihyun wanted simultaneously to break into pieces and rush into Hoseok’s arms in an effort to be put back together.

Hoseok stepped fully inside and shut the door carefully. There was no lock. He lingered by the door, awestruck like he had seen a specter. Kihyun thought perhaps that was what he looked like, anyway. He hadn’t slept much since the announcement, hadn’t eaten much either. Hadn’t done much of anything, really. Kihyun swallowed around the lump in his throat, all of his nerves freezing up suddenly.

“What?” Hoseok asked, his voice just a breath. “What are you doing here?”

Kihyun took a tiny step forward. It seemed to loosen his nerves enough for him to speak. “I had to see you,” he said.

Hoseok closed the distance between them, urgency in his steps and in his voice, his shoulders tight. He gripped Kihyun’s upper arms and his hands felt like they could crush Kihyun into dust. “How did you get in? You can’t be here,” Hoseok said quickly, eyes darting to the door and back to Kihyun. “You can’t be here. If someone sees you--”

“I had to see you,” Kihyun said again, feeling small and broken. “Minhyuk helped me. I dressed up like the staff. I had to see it for myself.”

“You’ve got to go,” Hoseok said over him. He kept looking back at the door. It was like he didn’t see Kihyun at all. “If my family sees you--”

Kihyun grasped the front of Hoseok’s shirt tightly, his knuckles white. “What will they do?” Kihyun hissed through clenched teeth. “What can they do? Hoseok, I had to see you. Please look at me.” The last part came out in a broken sob. Kihyun’s hands had turned soft against Hoseok’s chest. He wanted to hold him. He wanted to be held. He missed the feeling of Hoseok’s body against his as they slept side by side, as they woke up together. He missed that so much.

But Hoseok was pulling him toward the door by an iron grip on his wrist. Though Kihyun dug in his heels, Hoseok was stronger. He’d always been stronger. “Have to get you out of here,” Hoseok kept muttering under his breath.

Kihyun shook his head, his cheeks wet. “You really did it,” Kihyun said. “You really married her.”

This made Hoseok pause, his back to Kihyun. The grip on Kihyun’s wrist loosened, and Kihyun snatched his arm back from Hoseok, massaging the joint gingerly. Hoseok’s shoulders slumped and rounded. “Yes,” he whispered. “I did.”

“But you don’t love her.”

“That doesn’t matter,” Hoseok snapped. “That’s never mattered.”

“It matters to me,” Kihyun said.

Hoseok turned and Kihyun gasped, finding tears in the other’s eyes. “Kihyun,” Hoseok pleaded. “You don’t understand.”

“I understand that you don’t love her,” Kihyun said, feeling stronger than he had in weeks. He moved closer to Hoseok and felt his heart flutter in his chest when Hoseok didn’t try to keep his distance. There were dark circles under Hoseok’s eyes, too, that had been concealed by make-up, but Kihyun could see through the mask he had been forced to wear. All he wanted was for Hoseok to take the mask off for himself, to stop playing this game for his family. “You love me.”

Hoseok crumpled to his knees. He nodded and put his face into his hands, and Kihyun followed him, kneeling in front of him and guiding Hoseok’s head to rest on his chest. The front of Kihyun’s shirt became damp with Hoseok's tears. “I do,” Hoseok cried. “I’m sorry.”

Kihyun lifted Hoseok’s face and kissed his forehead, then his fingers over his eyes. He coaxed Hoseok to lower his hands and then he kissed him on each cheek, and then on the lips. He held Hoseok’s face cupped in his palms and tried to smile but found he could only manage a shaky frown as he felt his own eyes well up with tears again. “I’m not afraid of what your family could do to me, Hoseok. I never was.”

“But I am,” Hoseok said. “I’m so afraid. If they knew you were here...I’m doing this to protect you. Please know that. And please know that I love you, still.”

The strength that had flooded through Kihyun earlier quickly fled, like it had never been there in the first place. It sounded like goodbye, what Hoseok said. It sounded final. “But I don’t know how to be without you,” Kihyun said brokenly.

And it was true. It had been true over the past few weeks, after Hoseok had told him they wouldn’t be seeing each other anymore with no explanation. Minhyuk had come by to check on Kihyun, occasionally, but his visits held no true form in Kihyun's memories, everything that had happened in between the announcement of the wedding and now like a haze in Kihyun's mind. 

Kihyun wasn’t sure who kissed whom first this time, only that he had never felt such exquisite, beautiful pain lance through him with each touch of Hoseok’s lips, and yet he never wanted it to stop. He would take this hurt over anything else if it meant Hoseok would keep kissing him. Hoseok’s arms were tight around him, heavy as chains, as they kissed, and he lost himself in the feeling. He wanted to drown right then and there, kissing Hoseok over and over, sharing breath until there was nothing left.

Neither of them heard the door open.

Pain flashed like a hot, white light through Kihyun’s skull as he was ripped away from Hoseok and thrown to the ground like a rag doll. His ears rang from the impact. Someone was shouting. The toe of someone’s boot dug into his ribs, quick and sharp like a knife, and all the air was punched out of Kihyun’s lungs. He tried to draw in breath but it felt like fire, and then another kick left him incapable of movement. He groaned and curled into a ball on the floor and heard Hoseok shouting over someone else -- multiple people, maybe -- “Stop! Stop! Don’t hurt him!”

Then, all was quiet. Kihyun whimpered on the ground and tried to sit up but felt broken. His arms and legs wouldn’t listen to his brain. He opened his eyes and saw Hoseok’s father squatting in front of him, peering at Kihyun like he was nothing more than scum on the bottom of his shoe. In his periphery, Kihyun saw Hoseok on his knees still, his cousin Hyunwoo holding him in place as Hoseok struggled.

“I thought I told the whore to stay away,” Hoseok’s father said, looking at Kihyun while he said it.

With the little air he could gather into his lungs, Kihyun rasped, “ _Fuck_ you.”

“Crass,” Hoseok’s father said, raising an eyebrow. He stood again and signaled to someone on his left. Kihyun felt himself being hauled up from under his arms. He found his footing underneath him and swayed against the two bodies acting as his crutches. Aside from the two men holding him up and Hyunwoo, there were two more men standing by the door. Guard dogs. “Get him out of here,” Hoseok’s father said, snapping his fingers. But he wasn’t talking about Kihyun.

Kihyun watched as Hyunwoo effortlessly lifted Hoseok to his feet and dragged him out, backwards, to the door. Hoseok protested, shouting, fighting against his cousin. “You promised you wouldn’t hurt him! Father, you promised.”

“I did promise that,” he said calmly.

Hoseok met Kihyun’s eyes and held him. There was love in his irises, but more than that there was apology, a need to be forgiven. Kihyun didn’t know for what, and besides, he would forgive Hoseok anything. Hoseok said, “I love you,” and Kihyun wasn’t sure if he had said it out loud or if he had mouthed the words, but he heard Hoseok as though he’d said it standing right beside him, right into his ear, into his body and heart.

“I love you,” Kihyun said softly, but the door had closed and Hoseok’s muffled protests were now behind it, and then they were gone altogether. Kihyun’s heart sank. He looked up into Hoseok’s father’s cold gaze. “You can do whatever you want,” he said, wanting to be strong again, but he was trembling, his insides churning. “It won’t change anything.”

Hoseok’s father grabbed Kihyun by the chin, forcing him to crane his neck to look up at him. Kihyun’s heart was beating so loud he could hear it in his own ears, and he wondered if everyone else in the room could hear it, too. “I promised my son _I_ wouldn’t hurt you,” Hoseok’s father said. “But that doesn’t mean what’s going to happen to you next isn’t going to hurt.”

.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! kudos and comments are appreciated <3


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